WHO REALLY ARE YOU?...

#LATEPOST


My words are not influential enough to a stubborn headed being, grasp them if want too but don’t be shocked and pretend you never heard or seen the danger signal.

You came around and unlocked my other blinded future sight leaving me to reconsider roughly my future and the whole shebang around me. You're an inspiration, an icebreaker, guess that’s what appealed me to you. Full of get-up-and-go, know were you headed, have individual visions of things, money is your altar ego. How you surely HOPED one day the lottery machine would be on your side but hardly take part.

I don’t know! There were so many boo-boos that needed to be fixed in my existence, or perhaps how you desired them to be, I am not strong enough to let someone know how wounded I am internally, emotionally, or rather burst out and pick up each piece of puzzle which is jam-packed of pain and enlighten each of it in fine points, I CANNOT REALLY.

Fragile I am, being solo is where I am capable to share my innermost state of mind with myself, it’s where I belong, no dishonesties, 0% bullshit to deal with, it’s just yours truly “Vince”, my space, my gadgets and le music. What more could I possibly want? Zilch! I don’t need someone to make me happy. That’s my free zone resort, till you came. 

They said arguing builds a relationships, Us getting together its just about... "QUARRELLING”, Arguing its all I’ve known about you in your handsome formal attire, you had so much to say in a short period of time. Uncomfortable it would be, felt like picking my belongings and retrace my footsteps back to where my zone resort is. There should be more to that, entertaining side of you also matters to yours truly. I’m not judging or asking too much, we different and that’s what I like. I’ve continuously dodged arguing, ran away from it hence I’ve always applied Simplicity at its best “being single".

I don’t know who you are but you unlike the others, pain in the ass but charming, loving and thoughtful, kind being.

BEST WEEKEND

#LatePost


After a very bitter departure from the two people that had so much to talk about overlooking my presence. Their topic was so profound that I even tried to familiarize myself with but it didn’t help, in fact that made me look invisible to them. I felt like a misfit always on the fringes looking in but I left right away + I have a better soul that would appreciate ma existence but then again that’s a story for another day.

My Mind yelled Nathi! Nathi! Nathi!!!!!!!! He the only duke that can turn my-so-ugly-day around and make that incident feel like it was something that occurred long time ago and make it feels like they’re just a small tiny ants that needs to be swept away even though… Our relationship brings about many rich gifts that nourish my soul. In short, Bliss is one of them. He the guy to see knowing there’s never a dull moments when with. He makes my day worth it.

I sailed right away to him and Aaaah….. That’s when I got to finally meet o’Tebogo. I don’t know where to begin with this one; I fell in love with Tee instantly when I positioned my eyes on him. I took a flight of stairs & I thought “oh God! Finally Nathi once made it right, pity he screwed it up”. It is said you don’t know what you have until it is gone. He’s Shrewd, Sharp-witted, nonchalant, Ball of fun and here are two words that I picked out of him, He’s honest and a realist. I don’t know if I’m jinxing those two words. He spoke out of entity “real existence” and didn’t beat around the bush. In that, what he said or that is said by him is authentic, is genuine/ honesty too so in a way he takes the crown with both words. “You’re Majesty” as I bow….

I was blessed to celebrate Tee’s 21st birthday with but definitely it’s the other way around, he was blessed to celebrate it with me. Yeah No Q’s asked! Don’t dial that number, so we ran to the nearest liquor store and came back home. Drinking home with no music sucks so a very ghetto shabbean was suggested and we got there. To my amazement there were hotties in my surroundings everywhere I looked but that didn’t fascinate me that much until there was this one individual bundle Tee whispered to my ear to check him out. Hmm….. Perfection on another level, he was wearing a grey/black hoody written “Get paid” right on his chest. His flawlessness circled like bees in my mind pollinating my heart with ecstasy… at least I had something to look at now and then for a night. Trust me there’s nun fun than glancing at a very attractive/fine-looking folks and having fun at the same time.

The subzero of winter swept Nathi straight home “mara ke ngwana wa-June... Weird!” and with me & Tee the party was still on. The Dj was on it winding my emotions around the strings of deep house and commercial house melodies, for that moment I realized how much I missed going out and the people that makes the night more gratifying and thrilling as those tunes took me back then. I was in my moments reflecting back and flash backs making me to have a gigantic smile that when the lions sees it they would look for the an exist of the tunnel they got in with right away.
While in my moments Tee on the other hand has Bull’s eyes in noticing that ‘em niqqas were checking out on me, “get paid” as well. When I noticed that too I went bananas… knowing that “get paid” is busy having stolen gazes and when I look at him his eyes runs away! Mann it felt good. Well luckily Tee scooped Terra “one of ‘em dudes” through this eye to eye shebang. Ka-ching it was when he got his tenz but I think it wasn’t much of a bigger deal to him.

“get paid” on the other hand was on it nje ogling and the connection was so solid  but neither did one of us had the balls to approach each other or was it because he was with his friends so he couldn’t have made such approach whilst he’s with them Or where is it leaking?. “sigh” no one is there to fill in this blanket spaces that needs responses about such dude but himself.

The night didn’t get any younger so it was time for us to hit the highway. Funny he passed right next to me, I guess that was him saying “hey I’m leaving, goodbye” but it was sad to watch him leave. Slept over it and before noon he was just” o’Get paid” nje the obsession was gone. As all would do, we had a session of what happened last night through out that Sunday until it was time to hit the motorway back to where we live.

Tee took off in the Nightfall and it was my queue to leave too. Whilst in the cab, not so distant away from where I left Nathi he phoned me and told me I had his keys. Got off and strolled passed the bridge and as I was approaching the flats where “get paid” lived I was thinking about him and as I was, he showed up from the bushes unpredictably.  Right at the moment my heart skipped a beat, My stomach did the butterfly disco when I saw him and I clenched my teeth with that serious expression that screamed ghetto with a nonexistence of interest but psychologically, my mind and my heart and my feelings were drowning deep in tears of interest for that guy whilst the eyes never let go of each other. We ogled boldly at each other wishing I knew what was happening in his mind. It was like watching a movie playing in front of you but without audio to go with it.
As I watched him walk away I was going crazy like a little teenager who just saw his superstar crush and couldn’t stop going all wild about what happened few minutes ago. I Guess I bored Nathi to the core cause it was all about him, him, him… through out.

There will be next time and I’m trusting to have the nerve to just reach out to him and ask  him his name and get rid of this “get paid” tittle we gave him.


Hope we shall do it again sometime….. 

THE REBIRTH OF A PHYSICAL CONTACT

Now that my now so-called-ex came back from the work related trip at Amsterdam and it’s been a full week without me having to neither see him nor hear his voice and I must divulge, it has it been lonely. The silence that hit my ears with no resonances of his voice that sounded out over and over again seemed to have crawled back whenever it came from, is it because I am over him or the situation? I dunno. I really missed him and when I received his call this Friday I was thrilled and joyful to hear his voice and finally reconnected again.



“Hey Luther… There’s my friend’s party tonight and if you free, I’d love you to tag along” he said. I was free, besides being free there was no way I can say no to him, to my boo, my now turned to lets-just-have-fun buddy. I was excited to see him and we kissed and everything ran effortlessly until we go to the party.



Since I knew he was coming this Friday I sailed straight to Markham and bought him a watch which I myself was fond of and it is really a lovely piece of design which I wasn’t ready to let go of it before I enlightened to him about the history behind that timepiece. Me having to buy him a wristwatch instead of buying myself a pair of shoes which I ain’t got nun but because my heart and my love for him is explainable, I chose him and his stunning smile even thou it took two months of saving the little that I have and more than anything it gives me the greatest desire to see him smile or anyone else for that matter. I want him to value, respect it and know it isn’t just an ordinary watch with no importance and remember me with it.



But anywho… Got there and wow, good-looking old or probably getting there “old” people which is totally acceptable because the white dude that threw the party turned 30 but the problem is that they looked retired, retired from life and being wild or was it the music played that I didn’t feel the vibe or it was just the time difference between me and them or it was just me for having to think the total opposite of the party like I imagined it to be which I believe killed me because… look now?. There I was, in a reunion of gang of friends. Clinches thrown around, and right at that instant I took a flight of stairs and thought of my blog, a very fascinating story for my blog, let along the night entirely.



After settling Litha approached me and said “You must be having fun huh?!”… I laughed and said “actually no I am not”. He then said “I Know!” and on the other hand there was my boo dancing with some gay boy which I made it not my business or was he in it to for dancing or make Vince envious? Nice try. On that building block there was a private function pub which we went to after that party and man, I was feeling the vibe. Finally some good deep, commercial house and hip hop music. Met a stranger which claimed to be straight but my gaydar identified a lying gay man but we had a good long convo going not long when I saw my guy going to the restroom then I followed him.



Waited for him to get out of that room coz I didn’t know which he used. The moment he opened the door I quickly ran to it and pushed him back inside and he asked, “ooh you also here to pee?” then I replied… “no silly, I am for you!”. Got in and locked the door and enthusiastically and zealously threw myself on him and started kissing him, as much as he wanted to go I firmly held on to his no sleeve hoody right at his hips and pulled him right back closer to me and kissed him. While at it, pushed him right to the partition without letting go of him with our lips interlocked and kissed him again and again even still insisted on going back to the guys we were with. Could have seen his shining face, He loved it!  It was a stolen 5 minutes of pleasure and somehow it felt like we were back in high school. First time kissing a boy and all the games and the hiding or even better, like the first time getting so intimate together. I loved it and it was so exciting. Even took a selfie right after he left and I was drunk or perhaps I was getting there.



funny how much he has just been around and its bitter sweet, from knowing all the lodges around which he probably used them for sex, in a way its disgusting and makes me question his past. He was a busy boy plus he can do anything for sex, which says a lot about his age but I am judging and I should probably not. All the lodges were booked and everything has an ending and ours ended at the factory. Boy! It’s actually not bad as people make it to be or how I imagined it to be. It’s a huge place and the same stranger that I was with at that function pub was there, same dude my gaydar read on was there with a dude and he said “Hey Vince, shit happens” lmao I knew my gaydar never lies but hey…. As tired as I was, did our part and drove back around 5 am in the morning and along side the high way we stopped and snoozed there…


All out of honesty, I love and enjoyed being with him. I just dunno what’s so special about him, what is it about him? He just have a cute smile thou. In fact thinking about him just makes me wear a huge smile on my face. #T.P I LOVE YOU

A WIDOW OF AN EXISTING SOUL

Happiness? Define happiness… happiness can be well-defined in many ways and it does not hinge on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you contemplate. That happened, Happiness... you can’t find it or you don’t know what it is or you’re not given it or it’s just an excuse? Could this happiness be a widow maker?



Well I am widow… I loved and still do and my blissful monogamy seemed to turn to die-no-gamy, die on me and the love I thought he had for me and what’s intriguing is that the same soul that got me widowed is still alive and the other difference is, I am a man. But I feel like a widow because I loved and loves, had high anticipations and I believed this was it… but damn boy who was I fooling?!



You would never know if it was really about love or lust, thirst, desire that got the person you thought would be the one in a relationship with you. But what’s wrong with letting the person know how you want ya’ll to work before you kick start whatsoever with him? It hits me when I think of his erotic fantasy which I dragged myself into and because of love, you would do anything and literally having to shut few friends out for him, and now to my realization it was just lust. I guess I was lost in my own we-so-happy world and I was found by the same person that awaken the truth “finally” about how we can’t go on and date. But the happiness you’re seeking you can’t find it where there’s lust. I wish I was voiced from the start before it came to this, the love I pour it all up in his cup, the eggs I have placed them all in his basket.



With the months we shared I know there’s no soul alive that understand the other side of him like I do and I could go on and on about how but I read a man who is trapped. In the long run of that meeting with the thirst in my eyes and my heart for the truth, with no pauses and no rewinds… it was time to find where the story goes and I saw it all. It was okay; there was no need to explain the whole shebang. There was zilch to say for his eyes said it all. Last time I checked we had it all or I thought we did and I don’t know what happened to him. But I am glad I saw it coming and the truth came out eventually.



One has to be bolder than the one that can’t and find closure… be frank with you, accept the situation, smile and optimism for the best for there will be. You can’t make someone love you, love is a mystery, the unknown and destiny lies in the hands that set something free. Its tough to move on but once you have acknowledged the situation, it’s a piece of a tabloid in a tornado and yet it won’t be a laid-back settling when an update “could be his phone call or his name that pops up out of nowhere” aggravates all your inner demons ‘of how much I love him’ that have been locked away in the inmost parts of my heart.





I still love you but Rest assured I AM GONE…

LET'S SERVICE... LET'S GET CLEAN

Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder. In short, let me spring clean the truth.
Spaghetti was straight until you boiled it right?!hmm…

I’ve never told anybody about my sexuality not even my mom apart from for my gigis’ although she’s questioning but hey... not that I am an iron closet. I am undoubtedly sidestepping the term “gay”, coz its commonly used and they make it sound so nasty, like a sin, like its all wrong, like “ooh gosh he gaaaay, what a waste!” but that’s so gay. Is it wrong? Couldn’t there be a better way to say it or call me? Not faggot or gay or sissy boy or ausi mosadi or the nastiest you can think of?, Just something to make me feel acknowledged and calm being called and its no wrong to the society or better cooler, just no flamboyant… not that I do get called that or people can spot that I am but could there actually be away? Coz I feel guilt-ridden, the second I start thinking about them and their sentiments, not me... but on second thoughts, I actually hate labels.



But you know what, that was then and I looked at the larger print and the lion in me roared “fuck a society”. I don’t need anyone’s endorsement as to what makes a person a man or lesser of it. It’s all codes, commandments, rules & laws created by men. See, I just live my life and I don’t need to come out to the world that I am a boy that likes girls but loves boys and I don’t get a person that has to come out to everyone. Well reality is, you don’t have to! Be me, just don’t. I just do me and if there’s person sniffing around and picks something up then that person need to be applauded… so what, what’s in it for that person? If that person gets to ask me if I am, I would proudly say it and probably go, “so, do you wanna kiss me now? Coz Mr, this is the part where you terminate your little silly investigation with a kiss….. ON MY ASS!”.



I guess my point is… I would never tell anyone they have to come out. They have to do what’s right for them!. Just make sure whatever choices they make, are lean in the foundation for the world they ultimately want to live in.

This woman once said, “ Leviticus, man kind shall not lie with a man as with a woman”. I instantaneously had a mouthgasm up on this woman….And there I was thinking, it is seems when that Jesus made a covenant he said the old rules are revenge-able and roughed for God aside, he himself did not speak of homosexuality but he did preach love and mercy, and edged us NOT to judge our fellow men but embrace ‘em . So less, let go of hate-fo and outdated philosophies and keep the true word/message of Jesus. Love they neighbor as thyself and love God.


People will always quote from the Bible just to support or justify their answers.

“I’d say live the life you wanna live long as its right & feels right. Fear God, thank him and worship him and know God is love and where there is love there’s God. That’s all it is….” – Thabang V “Luther” Mothobi

SON OF THE MOST HIGH

WHAT COULD THIS DREAM MEAN?

Early this year I had a dream and it’s a revelation….

Now you know some dreams are just dreams and are not to be taken seriously but this one had me questioning and diving deep in thoughts as to what could this really mean.
In that dream I was with a friend named Kelvin Maya Muyoya and we were at some carnival or festival sort of. It was very hectic and flocked with people and so we decided to take a walk up the hill street where there’s less noise and human traffic.
Now up ahead there was this empty old burnt, fuck’d up windows and shuttered building where we decided to break the rules and get inside that building. We chilled for not long and saw shadows of men holding guys. They were approaching the building or walking towards it and Kelvin pretty sure knew what was happening at that time and stormed out of the building and ran, leaving me shocked and terrified as they were chasing after him. I guess I was less important to ‘em because they gave nothing about me but Kelvin and that’s why they left me and chased him. I ran to their directions behind ‘em with Kelvin leading the marathon of fear.
One of the 5 men disappeared, I don’t know what might have happened to him and the other one got hit by a car in motion, leaving us with only 3 out 5 men. Kelvin out ran ‘em and they couldn’t catch up with him so they stopped and immediately I saw that I did too. They turned to my direction and started chasing me.

Man! I stormed out down hill and ran as fast as I could screaming for anybody’s help and shouting “kelviiiiinnn Help” but nobody was there to rescue me, even the people from the carnival. The streets seemed really empty with no one to help, I was tired and I had no where to go and I just told myself I will have to surrender. Before I could, I realized what am I worried about? Why be so terrified, scared and have nowhere to turn to or ran too?  Don’t I have a father, isn’t God my father?.
After the moment from my realization, I stopped running and said to God, “father, I don’t know what to do. I am tired of running and if this is it then be it. I have no one else to run to, you’re my last hope. Please take control right now”. Immediately after, something said “Vince Pray”. I started praying calling the name of Jesus Christ and speaking in tongues and those men that pointed guns at me they started acting somehow and one by one became ashes.

Hehehehe now what’s funny and exciting about this is that soon after what has happened , same people I have screamed my lungs out for their help showed up from nowhere and surrounded me  and putting me in the middle  of the circle created by them ,asked me to pray for ‘em.

Hmm the power in me was so strong, Prestige, amazing, great, unexplainable, powerful, holy and mannn!!!!!! It felt so GOOOOOOODDD. I was much relieved and pretty chilled about everything. It was like the running and being chased by men with guns didn’t happen because I was so in peace and happy and fearless like yo’ you cant touch me!!..
Okay!, I told ‘em people to stretch their hands towards me and as they did, I lifted up my hand and soon as I applied no force or energy on my hand and let it fall pulled by the amazing force called a gravitational force they fell down so hard like a bomb did that to ‘em, ‘Twas such a great and wonderful experience. I woke excited and asking myself, did I Vince really do that? Hehehe no ways!! Get out of here!.
Could this mean I will heal and pray for the nation? Could this mean God is trying to show me something? So I have a purpose, and he surely has plans for me. I do believe and I know I have it in me to heal someone through prayer and by just believing and knowing God is love and forever there for you then there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. This prayer pops in mind, I’m not good with quoting but it goes like this or something like this “thou I walk in the valley of darkness I shall not fear or want” something something. To my translation meaning even how darkness your surroundings might be, if you’re with God there’s nothing to fear.
Shared with few and told me, I have to change in order to see the physical experience of it. Change how? My lifestyle, the people I hang up with?. The fact that I might be in love with the same sex?, Is that what I need to change to serve God and living according to his purpose?.

It’s a very profound topic….  
I believe God Visited and showed me one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. #Blessed&Grateful

VINESIS

In the beginning...

There was this young handsome boy, just a kid next door who always stuck up in his big world full of get-up-and-go, hilarity, adventure, love, friendship and a full of life mind running like a watercourse. Having to have been visited by insomnia every single night and having to think too much about pretty much the whole shebang led to him opening a blog.

My blog is devoted to the art of writing, diminutive detour insanity to my huge ball gallery that has so many doors with invitations to each and every single one of them.
Now I am not going to play Dr love & a columnist talking about celebrities through out but its an invitation to my life about how I understand and view things.
This is pretty much simple… once you’ve read and acknowledged the T&C’s and the invitation, there will be no turning back for I know you will want to read more. So please be my guest, have a good read and feel permitted to comment…

I am Thabang Vincent Mothobi & I love God with all my heart. I’m a Virgo, a writer, somehow a realist & opinionated, a lover, a friend, a brother, a dreamer, Son of the most high, I heart photography, movies, adventure, anything arts and above all, you’re welcome rude One 😉.